If it ain't fittin' through the frame, you ain't carryin' it on the plane.

It seems like a good time for some airport stories.

My best airport story comes from my trip from the middle back east.

I arrived (why does that sounds so weird? It seems like it should be arrove -- like drove) at the airport and walked up to the kiosk to check in. After going through the entire process of checking in, the computer told me that it could not check me in. So I sighed and went and stood in line.

There were about 4 or 5 people in line before me and we stood there without moving forward at all for 30 minutes. Then the girl behind the desk called out that something was wrong with the computers, so thank you for being patient. That caused some grumbling, especially because now the line extended behind me and was winding down the hall.

We waited another 10 minutes, and then the girl behind the counter walked away.

She came back a few minutes later with a group of 4 people. Instead of immediately moving to man the desks and get these people through the lines, they walked down the secret employee only corridor.

They eventually came back, and an older lady took charge, inspecting the computers and the number of people in line. After a couple minutes of typing away, she grabbed the PA mike and said, "This is Airtran Airways. We have a computer problem and we are switching to manual. Airtran. Going manual."

As she is shouting this she walks over to the far wall and pushes a large red button on the wall, "Going manual NOW."

A large young black man was behind me and said, "I knew there was a red button somewhere! I was in the military. There's always a red button somewhere. Shoulda pushed that red button 30 minutes ago. All you gotta do is push the red button!"

After the red button was pushed, the four employees each took a station and started handwriting boarding passes. It was astounding.

Airport story number two comes from my connection in Atlanta, on the way back to the middle.

We arrived on schedule at 4:30 pm. My next flight didn't leave until 8:40, so I just found my gate and settled in with my book.

At around 6:00, I went and got dinner, and on my way back to my departing gate, I checked the boards again. Still the same gate, so I sat back down and read.

Around 7:30, I started getting a little nervous, because there was still no plane, and no attendant at the gate, but at 7:40 a plane pulled in. I thought great, they will unload this and load us up, no problem.

They unloaded the entire plane (which took a while) and then the attendant walked over to the gate and started typing on the computer. And you know how that goes. It's like the scene in Meet the Parents (that of course I can't find on youtube....).

After a few minutes of typing, she gets on her PA and says, "There are no more planes departing from this gate. Come see me if you have a problem."

Well, a ton of us jumped up, and everyone in line said Kansas City. She said D1.

Yes, an entirely different terminal.

So I took off running. It was rather like the scene in Home Alone, where the entire family is running through the airport. And just like that I made it as one of the last to board. Phew.

The end of airport stories. But I have been pondering something.

I spent 4 hours in the Atlanta airport just on that last trip. And one thing I noticed in all of the airports is that I was the only one reading a book.

Back in June 2003, I was on a flight, and everyone, literally every single person in the airport had Harry Potter. It had just been released a few days before, and everyone was carrying around these enormous books.

But literally, I sat in big groups of people and in every single group, I was the only person with a book. Weird.

they don't start sentences with "you know who just died shoveling snow?"

Yesterday there was 12 inches of snow on the ground. And then 5 more inches fell yesterday afternoon and night.

Remember this picture that I posted?


Yes, that is for real what it looks like now.

Some lessons from shoveling snow:
1. Start at the road end of the driveway. It is the hardest part.
2. Shoveling snow is a good way to meet neighbors.
3. Snow really does turn yellow when a dog pees on it.
4. Snot freezes.
5. Shoveling snow is REALLY hard work. It should be a challenge on The Biggest Loser. I think I lost 10 pounds.

The best part of the day was when a neighbor came over and helped me finish off the hard end of the driveway. Best neighbor.

Raindrops on roses, and whiskers on kittens.

Two favorite things for today.

1. I was reading through a magazine and came across my horoscope at the end. So of course I read it, and the first line went something like this: "You are about to enter a wonderful new romantic relationship."

My thought, "Yeah, right."

Next line of the horoscope, "Stop being so cynical and sarcastic."

2. I was relaxing watching Castle last night. If you haven't seen it - hulu.

Detective Beckett: "It's a good thing he reads."
Other Detective: "It's a good thing he reads Russian literature. If he read Nicholas Sparks, he'd be dead."

Maybe you laughed a little. I laughed a lot.

One day when you're older, that'll turn out to be a gift.

Done, done, done with my Christmas shopping.

I was thinking about when I was little and how I had all kinds of things that I wanted and would ask for at Christmas. Somewhere in there I can to the understanding or developed the assurance that my parents (obviously this was post-Santa belief) would get me what I asked for (also obviously I was not asking for huge or ridiculous things... I think... maybe I did ask for a pony once).

There is one time this belief was tested. My mom asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I said I didn't know. I had had a thought, but had forgotten what it was. So shortly before Christmas (I don't remember how shortly, I just remember it being really close to Christmas), I remembered that I wanted to ask for a camera that year. And I did.

I remember doubting that I would get it, because it was a big gift and I knew that Christmas was not far away.

I got it. I probably still have it in my parents' attic actually.

Even though I always believed that my mom would get me what I asked for, there was still so much anticipation on Christmas Eve. I could never fall asleep (Heather always fell asleep).

But now I have decided that the person who said "Tis better to give than receive" was an old person. Now I am not awake all night thinking of what I will get, instead I am so excited and anticipating my family members opening the gifts that I got them.

I'll be the first to admit I had a pretty lame year of gift giving. All the birthday presents that I gave were a little lacking. And then I worried that I had used up my one and only stroke of brilliance when I thought of giving Kim a digital camera for her birthday. But fortune smiles, and I have actually managed to think of good ideas for two of my seven family members. (Sorry to the rest of you).

So excited.

And only 3 more days until I get to go home!

Buddy the elf, what's your favorite color?

It's the most wonderful time of the year.

Unfortunately for you, my wonderful readers, the only way I can get through grading all these papers and exams is to share the best with you. So round two of Favorite Student Writing:

In reflecting on his work during the semester: "I then realized that you were not like the teachers that my brother and sisters had in college. You were actually expecting us to write about what you had assigned."

It's the first half of your favorite word

It's that time again. Favorite student writing. Yay!

This comes from a student's reflection about what he learned this semester:
"Writing was one of my downfalls and in particular run-ons were my major negative, it was something I couldn't help doing unless I put a lot of commas into my sentences/paragraphs, but I'm glad I can incorporate something else into my writing so my piece doesn't look like one big sentence."

My comment: Is this meant to be ironic?

Uh, it's just easier to say TMI. I used to say don't go there, but that's lame.

Yes, this will probably be a TMI post. But I just have to tell someone.

One of the toilets at work fills up with boiling hot water.

Weirdest experience ever.