Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Uh-huh, and the fact that laughter has ten times the energy of scream had nothing to do with it.

A few of my favorite things:

*** One ***
I bought a George Foreman Grill last weekend. It's pretty delightful.

*** Two ***

Carla sent me this

My favorite part -- On the elevator, "First day of parole."
And it's not in this clip, but when she imitates people eating popcorn at the movie theater.

*** Three ***

And my students told me about a new radio station: 24/7 Comedy. They just play clips of standup routines all day long.

Yes, I'm the person driving down the road laughing hysterically. Sorry if I swerved.

I'm also the person sitting parked inside my own garage with the car on, just so I can hear the end of the bit.

One of the first I heard was this from Chris Rock about marriage:
Marriage is tough, man. Marriage is real tough, man. Marriage is so tough. Nelson Mandela got a divorce. Nelson Mandela got a divorce. Nelson Mandela spent twenty seven years in a South African prison, got beaten and tortured every day for twenty seven years, and did it with no problem. Made to do hard labor in hundred degrees South African heat for twenty seven years and did it with no problem. He got outta jail after twenty seven years of torture, spent 6 months with his wife and say I can't take this no more!

Grandma, I can't believe you found the recipe for Beefaroni.

My grandma came to visit me a couple of weekends ago. It was really fun to just hang out with her.

Of course, I took pictures with her camera, and didn't take any with mine. So I can't even share a picture with you.

After we spent a couple of days together, my grandma said that I was so easy to get along with. All I do is say "Okay." And go and do whatever she wanted. I thought to myself, "well, of course I say okay. What am I going to do? Argue with my grandma?"

But she sure chuckled every time I said okay.

On her final day, we sat down to a lunch I had made before we had to leave to catch her plane. When she had arrived, I told her I have a lot of food restrictions, but I had gotten her some food, and it wasn't anything to worry about.

Honestly, I told her the simple version of my food restrictions. Her response was "Well, what's left?!" -- a pretty typical response.

But during lunch, she kept saying, "Oh this tastes good." And finally she told me, "I was really worried about you when you told me all the things you can't eat. But I guess you eat pretty well."

I said, "Great. Can you tell my parents that?"

And then she followed it up with, "But when you can, I think you will be much more healthy if you eat meat and milk and eggs."

"...... Okay."

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

The rules for dating are the same as the rules for Gremlins.

I have a funny story to share with you. Well, it was entertaining for me for a few days at least.

Please note: You need to read all of this and imagine me smiling or laughing. Don't get a negative tone in your mind as you read, I don't have a negative tone as I write.

I met a lady recently. Upon our second encounter, she said to me, "I have a really awkward question. Well, not a question. But, oh this is awkward. I'm really not sure how you will feel about this."

I said, "Um, spit it out."

"I have a single friend, and I want to set you two up."

She told me exactly two things about him, and I was left thinking, yup, we are the only two single people you know. Of course we are MFEO (Made For Each Other).

Sleepless In Seattle

But I also thought to myself, well, I'm not meeting "the one" any other way, so whatever. And I gave her my phone number to pass along to the single guy.

After a week or more, he texted me.

The text went something like this:
Hey. I'm ____. I got your number from ____. So here we are.
And included two pictures.

Please don't judge me too harshly when I say that I wasn't very impressed.

But I talked to Heather and she convinced me to respond. So I did.

I said something like:
Hi. I don't know anything about you. Let's play 20 questions. What do you do? I'm a professor.

And thus began three days of texting questions back and forth. I learned his job, some hobbies, some places he's lived, some family relationships. The most interesting -- he thinks Zion's National Park was a better place to travel to than Madrid, Spain, he likes bluegrass and thinks the art museum is the best in town, and he loves sushi. So obviously there are some things there that make him a weirdo, and some that are good.

I found all of this entertaining, because there would be certain points when he would respond very quickly. And I also kept telling Heather everything he said, and it was hilarious to find out how many times she would yell "Dealbreaker!"

And then on the third day he said, "So do I get to see a pic of you?"

I busted up laughing.

 Nokia Mural

This is my phone. It is not smart. Although it does look pretty (before it gets dropped a few times) and has glowing lights, it is not smart. And while it does have a camera, it is a two-year old phone and I discovered a while ago that the camera doesn't work anymore.

And as a side note, I hate texting. So funny moments in all of this, but the medium is just annoying.

In my response to texting-guy, I laughed and said, "Oh, my iPhone broke so no."

He asked what happened and I said, it's a long story. And then I relented, "If you really want to see a pic, you can friend me on facebook."

So he did.

And then he stopped texting.

I asked Heather if it was ok for me to just be done with the whole thing, because clearly he's not interested. She convinced me to give him one more chance, but in a medium that I actually like.

So here is the story I wrote to send him in a facebook message:
My project at work is loading really slowly, so I will tell you the long story about my iphone while I am waiting.

The iphone is a joke. I've never had one. Once upon a time (in the not-too-distant past) I had a phone that chose to commit phone suicide by leaping from my jacket pocket into the toilet. (Yes, I totally became one of those people). Actually though, it was really the phone's choice. It had lived a long life, and was ashamed to be used around all the other smart phones, so it just decided to end things.

When I went to replace the phone, the store people tried to talk me in to an iphone, but I had just lost a phone to the toilet, and wasn't about to spend that much money on a phone that could potentially do the same. So I bought a cheap phone.

And now, nearly 2 years later, the camera on the cheap phone (slightly surprising that it came with a camera at all) doesn't work anymore. (I found this out when I was trying to take a pic of a funny license plate. Fail.)

So I hope you enjoyed my facebook pics. My fav is obviously my hotel.

Ok, my project loaded. How is your week going? Anything fun or exciting?


Naturally, I think I am hilarious.

And somehow he didn't. His response: That's a good iPhone story..... I loved the pics.... Super jealous. How did you enjoy conference? I thought it was amazing as usuall.

I responded, and then nothing.

From all of this I have discovered that even when you know someone who knows someone the internet has completely changed dating. I made the assumption that this lady getting my number would lead to a blind date over coffee. Apparently, that doesn't happen anymore.

Good life lesson.

What I didn't learn was what is on my facebook page that is such a turn-off. So feel free to check it out and let me know what you think. And then I may or may not change it.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Don't flatter yourself. It's just a space toilet.

My mom said a couple of weeks ago that I don't blog anymore. I guess there are all sorts of excuses for that, but the real reasons are there are things that I shouldn't talk about and things that I don't want to talk about. And that's most of my life.

So the short summary:
My students are normal -- hilarious and entertaining in some moments, frustrating in others.
Fred is still with me. There are a lot of ups and downs for us.

And for a real story:
I fixed my toilet.

I had a fill valve that looked like this one. And then water started spraying straight up out of it. So I did my research and discovered that the way to fix it was to remove the entire thing and replace it.

I went to Ace Hardware, hoping that someone who knew a little something could help me pick the right replacement.

He sold me one that looks like this:
Toilet Water Tank Fill Valve FTJ

I got it home, read the instructions, and started in on the first step of removing the old one.

Pulled it out and thought I had broken the whole toilet. Scary moment.

Then I put the new one in. It worked for like a second. And then, no matter what I did, it wouldn't work anymore.

I complained and griped and worried and worried. Then I asked my handy fix it friend (yes, the same one I've referred to previously as my car boyfriend) to come help.

He walked in. Looked at it. Asked one question. Then said, "Oh I see. The tube is pinched."

He made two tiny adjustments, and it was fixed.


I'm claiming this victory. I fixed the toilet! It was all me. I am now a handy and intelligent homeowner.