Hey look, he's trained! Shake.

I am doing some training with work so that I can teach online classes. I just realized that I read the same sentence 5 times and I still don't know what it said.

My solution: Walk up and down the hallway 5 times. Sit back down and start a new blog post.

***

Today I walked into class and had about half the class in attendance. I looked around and one of the students said, "Yeah, I don't think there will be many people here today." And another said, "Why?" "Because yesterday was St. Patrick's day."

So I laughed and said, "Oh, are you all the non-green-beer-drinking crowd?"

They all said yes.

Then a student walked in and walked over to me and said, "How long do I have to stay so that you won't count me absent?"

I just looked at him for a minute. Then I said, "Seriously? Just leave then."

He responded, "No I want to be in class, but I have things I have to do."

"Ok. Go ahead."

He stood and deliberated for five minutes, and then started talking about the NCAA tournament. He had four brackets with him. I was like what did you do? Pick four different teams to win?

He left, and one of the girls just starting laughing and said, "So his 'things to do' are to go home and sit on the couch and watch basketball? That's hilarious!" Everyone was laughing.

Then he stuck his head back in the door and said, "No I am not going home to sit on the couch. I'm going downtown to watch the games."

Not less hilarious.

***

While I was home over spring break, I was singing something and totally made up the words. Of course everyone corrected me. So I just had to tell the story about Heather when she came to visit me.

She kept saying she had a song stuck in her head, and then she would sing a little bit of it. That promptly made it stick in my head, so I just started singing it out loud and got to the chorus and she said is that what he says?



Heather's version:
Like my eyeball stuck on replay, replay-ay-ay-ay

This brought up all kinds of funny stories about misunderstand lyrics.
My fav:


"Bright young women, sick of swimming" becomes "Pregnant women. Sick of swimming."

***

This brings me to another story about Heather's visit.

Some background. I live in a suburban neighborhood. So much so that when my former roommate came to see my house for the first time she said, "Ugh. Looks like an army base." And I thought, yup, you can live in the ghetto if you like. I like this.

Heather and I jumped in the car to head out somewhere and drove down the street. Suddenly the car was attacked by two gi-normous wild turkeys! They ran towards us and then started flapping their wings and took flight, barely clearing the roof of the car.

Now before you start thinking that I am crazy. I lived in the mountains of North Carolina. I've seen wild turkeys. These were definitely wild turkeys that could barely fly because they were so huge.

My little suburbia is being overrun by wild animals.

***

While I was home for break, we skyped Carla. Then we watched the Academy Awards.



Watch how Meryl Streep laughs. She laughs just like Carla. So for those of you who read Carla's blog, every time she writes haha, just thinking about her throwing her head back and laughing.

***

My other activity during Spring Break was to go to a conference. Now it's a conference, so you are supposed to hobnob and schmooze and talk to people. A guy started talking to me while we were looking at a poster presentation, we both teach English, so we exchanged cards.

I got home and he had facebook friended me. I thought whatever and so I confirmed.

Now I don't facebook stalk. I'm not interested in looking through all of someone's photos. I don't really care who posts on their wall. I'm just not interested. And so I forget that that is what other people do.

His post on my wall (where all my proper friends in my normal life can see it), a mere 2 hours after I accepted the request, was "Wow, great family pics. You have such a big family! I'm from a catholic family so I have six siblings too. Awesome!"

I feel gross knowing that he looked through all of my pictures.

Yes, the irony of the fact that I am writing this on a public blog that can be viewed by anyone with an internet connection doesn't escape me.

***

I was driving downtown yesterday. I was going to a new place, so I just googled directions. It took me through an area I knew to an area that I didn't.

Which leads us to a new segment. I like to call it: You Know You Are In A Scary Part of Town When...
There are bars on the windows of the Family Dollar.